Saturday, December 12, 2015

Odd Sights Lead to Bizarre Inventions.

Odd Sights Lead to Bizarre Inventions.

I have seen people do some really odd things. For instance, when the military sent me on an all expense paid trip to Montana I saw a lady crossing the street. Not that odd, except she was walking like the Earth was made out of sponges. Each step she took was delayed as she sank into the pretend sponge of the planet. She had a paper bag in one hand, and her face was stained with the red and blue paint she had been sniffing. Really sad.

After I returned from my all expense paid trip to Germany the military sent me on an all expense paid trip to Albuquerque, New Mexico. While there I witnessed another strange occurrence. A lady was falling down the street. Not falling down in the street, but hurtling down the street. It was as if gravity had shifted and now was horizontal. She bounced off of a light pole, then in a fit of flailing arms she almost saved herself by grabbing a trashcan. Sadly, she lost her grip and after careening off several people she slammed head first into a building. I'm thinking it was drugs.

None of these events had much meaning, however, yesterday I encountered a sight that gave me several ideas. So brace yourself.

As I was leaving MacDill, Air Force Base I saw what appeared to be two Clydesdale ponies. Each pony had a rope tied around it, and at the end of the rope there was a tire. I think the tire was a passenger car tire. As I drew closer I realized it was actually two fa...errr...robust women each with a tire tied to a rope around their waist. You just don't see that everyday. This gave me an idea.

Depending on who you talk to, we humans are doomed to burst into flames any minute because of global warming. Add to that the fact we disgusting humans are over populating the planet, which leads to fewer jobs, and all sorts of evils. The answer to all of that was right in front of me.

What if a farmer opened a weight loss center. He could hook people looking to lose weight to his farm equipment. Instead of paying them, he could charge them to pull his disks, and plows. Imagine, no carbon footprint..and skinny people. Win win.

We could take it a step further. At the state fair, instead of pony rides we could charge people looking to lose weight to give rides to little kids, and charge the kids. Win win.

But I'm not done. What if we hook giant generators to the bikes and rowing machines in gyms. We can charge people to use the gym and sell the power they generate. Win win.

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